Our Featured Celebrity Cooking Review

 Barack Obama 
 -Guess who's coming to dinner!

 We here at Celebrity Cooking Magazine do not excite easily. We have seen countless names and faces skyrocket to numbing overexposure and plummet into blessed obscurity time and time again, and while quite often our interest is piqued, rarely do we get as giggly as drunken schoolgirls at the mere rapt contemplation of a single addition to the great American kitchen and table.

 That has been the case with Obama.

 We will grant you that the carcass is not all that special per se; it is a bit on the lean side, perhaps even a touch stringy, but that is balanced out by the fact it is not so old that certain parts have undergone petrifaction, as in the manner of McCain. We do not believe that the observable tenderness only goes skin deep, nor has it overdeveloped to the point that it has turned to hemorrhagicardio mushiness. Best of all,  Obama has not spent so much time in Washington that the dreaded and perhaps inevitable DC Spoilage has begun to permeate the meat.
   
 One of the most intriguing aspects of Obama cuisine is its innate multiculturalism. This is pan-ethnic food on the hoof, zesty, infinitely adaptable, and quite likely able to be successfully exported to a world audience tired of stale and crumby white bread.

 While some argue that Obama is not sufficiently aged, and so lacks proper depth, our editors do not agree. He is Grade A #1 Prime and ready to be used, and it would be a tragedy to see him passed over in favor of something less exciting and promising; a rare and piquant wild truffle spurned in favor of a nice but more middle of the road white button. As mentioned above, we believe that he would serve well with numerous cuisines, both regional and national,  and we believe that adaptability extends into cooking methods. Fast sauté or slow roast, fricasseed or frizzled, even blackened or bronzed or crusted; soul food, nouveau cuisine, fusion, even plain home cooking; we believe Obama would perform like a superstar. He would serve for both intimate dinners and larger parties with a broad and democratic guest list; with luck for a whole nation desperately hungry for something better than swill.
 
Rating: 5 Forks -so good it even transcends the five second rule

Recipe suggestions:    General Tso Obama (Barack and broccoli in a piquant sauce); Couscous ala Change; Potatoes O’Bama; Chicago Style Pizza;  Steamed Hilary; Stringbean Supreme; Contenderloin; Potus Pies; Air Forcemeat One; Soul Food Supreme

Course Advice: A worthy appetizer people can't seem to get enough of; delicate enough for clear consommés, robust enough for the heartiest soups; a main course that might just be good enough to wipe away all memories of the spoiled turkey and soggy turnips we’re being served at present.

Substitutions: There are really none; the myriad tastes and flavors could not be replicated without blending several other people together, and the resulting product would lack Obama’s visual appeal and splendid consistency. A distant possibility would be Tiger Woods, who has better putting chops and less political flavor, but as for us, it is Obama or nothing.

Beverage suggestions: Champagne!

Warnings: Could cause dyspepsia in even closet racists, sure to cause reflux in white supremacists, some Southern conservatives, and the Clinton inner circle. May cause giddiness in some consumers.