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While there is a certain Republican underbelly that still finds Rove palatable, we here at Celebrity Cooking Magazine do not believe he is fit for human consumption. To begin with there is the problem with all that slime—estimated to be one million times that of eel—and repeated processing with a Nuclear Powered Industrial Duck Press is unlikely to reduce it to acceptable levels. Even if that issue could somehow be dealt with, then there are the almost certainly lethal toxins that would turn anything he was in nasty beyond description.

The fat/meat ratio is not without some initial appeal, but we fear that in this case the bulges are similar to those found in food cans where the contents have gone over to the point that only a terrorist would want them as the basis for a biological weapon.

 Rove-based meals have an unhappy history, and they have been largely served under the table, and in an underhanded manner. Yet in the manner of some uncanny Magical Mystery Meat, the Rove ingredient proves to be hard to find and isolate afterward. The dark, murky flavor it imparts does not cook out over time, nor does the bad smell so many have noticed and remarked upon.
 
Rating: 0 Forks --though we would feed him to fundamentalist Islamic clerics if we could

Course Advice:  Too noxious even in small, appetizer-sized portions; sure to turn any soup into Borgia Special; any larger preparation where he is featured is sure to take an ugly, vengeful turn and attack people who hardly deserve it.

Recipe suggestions: Rat poison.

Substitutions: Shark brain; Spider glands; Poison Toad skin; demi glace of snail slime.

Beverage Suggestions: Drain-O; Caustic Soda; Snake blood

Warnings: Only to be handled in full biohazard gear; leftovers should be sent to a federally licensed Toxic Waste Dump Site.

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