Al Gore

While these days another platter of re-warmed Bush would elicit at best weary sighs, or muted groans and gagging noises, the public appetite for this former rival and loser of an earlier taste-off seems to have risen, just as many finally realized that they went for first and second helpings of something intensely and overwhelmingly bad for them as Salmonella Patties or Botulism Burgers with Cyanide Secret Sauce.
Al Gore offers the high-end flavors of a statesman, the tang of a reformer and activist, the green gloss of eco-friendliness, the glamour of an Oscar winner, and the coveted gourmet stamp of a Nobel Prize winner.

The carcass is considerable; we find ourselves thinking that Gore could, as befits his quasi-saint status, feed multitudes. The fat/muscle ratio may be somewhat lopsided; no surprise in a specimen that has grazed at that many green room spreads and consumed uncountable servings of airline food. The overall impression is one of give in spite of a reputation for stiffness; we would expect marbling similar to Kobe beef, or old-style, pre-anti-fat-craze pork.

In terms of cuisine, Gore has become largely pan-regional; not so Southern that cooks and diners from outside that area would be at a loss as to how to use him—or even know what he is, exactly. People in America and the wider world have had a taste of Gore, and found him much better than they thought, many wishing he had become the White House entree after all. Most cuts are mild without being bland or mushy, rich without being overbearing, solid without being as indigestibly gristley as his vice-presidential successor, Cheney. This is a smart, brain-building food; with identifiable hints of wonk and Power Point puissance. All in all, a winner in the unrigged supreme court of public approval.

We are glad to see Gore come back onto the national menu in a big way, and as more parts of the country find servings of Gore to their taste, the increasing heat in our global kitchen—one we can’t get out of if it gets too hot--have a chance of being addressed and ameliorated.

Rating: 4 Forks -4 1/2 with improved portion control

Recipe Suggestions: No-bake Alaska; Footprint Carbonara; Kyoto Beef; various Conserves; Patty Melts; Oscar-style Chops; Mashed Petrocrat

Course Advice: Some will never get out of their Hummers long enough to submit to a taste of Gore, even shaved lean bits; cold soups preferred; solid side dish material, and a main course choice for a knowing and growing crowd.

Substitutions: Ralph Nader or Joe Kennedy for a less measured, moderate taste.

Beverage suggestions: Coolers of various sorts; Green Beer; Mudslides

Warnings: Indigestible to unreprogrammable Bushies, Me Have Fire conservatives, Big Oil and Big Coal plutocrats and their sycophants; global warming scoffers.

Our Rating System

Contents Copyright © 2008, all rights reserved, even those stolen by the Patriot Act Celebrity Cooking Magazine and eatthefamous.org are a plausibly deniable division of Trollworks Global Media Conglomerated Syndicate and Interior Debating Society, a largely untraceable subsidiary of No Loaf Ink. Opinions expressed on this site are at least as valuable as those heard on Fox News, and should be taken seriously only by those with a sense of humor. Always exercise caution when dealing with cutting implements, kitchen appliances, and open flame.